Sigh.

I'm not going anywhere. Why do I have to keep telling you this? I love you. A lot. I think it'd have to get too much for you for us to break apart. And you think your world would crash. Mine would too. I don't know what to do without you. You're my life. Shut up. Do no tell me you aren't. Because, you are. I am more dependent on you, than I think you are of me. Sadly enough. I'm backwards, I feel like I crack more than you. Fuck this makes me feel pathetic. And I'm the same way, I don't know why I am writing this where you can see it but, fuck. Distance does suck, but if we keep thinking about us not working out, it sure as hell won't. It really strikes a nerve when you talk about leaving or us not working out. I really can't handle it. Again, I'm pathetic. I love you, simple and as complicated as that. I'm not used to this. Being completely in love with someone. Having a relationship that I genuinely and care about with my entire being. Fuck I won't let it go... I'll have trouble getting over you if things do get hard and you leave. Not that I'm saying I am holding you back or anything, if you want to leave me. I can't stop you... not my right. But, of course you know where I stand. I don't know. Rant rant rant. Fuck. I am really upset right now, and I'm not entirely sure why. You're asleep. I sent you like three texts, but you didn't wake up. Lol. Oh well. .-. Guess this is what this blog is for yes? Those times I need to get things out and you can't be there for me. I need to understand that. This is your busiest year yet. I can't be the thing that holds you back. You're just gonna have to tell me to fuck off sometimes, I'm clingy, I am. But, school comes first. If you are busy, I will suck it up for a few days if you need me to. I am willing to do what I have to keep us together, unless of course you decide against it, I guess. I don't know.I am not saying you are heartless or anything. I just don't think I have it in me to leave you, even if I wanted to. I really just care way too much about you. It scares me so bad to hurt you. If I did, it would damn near kill me inside. Now I'm making myself sound weak-minded. Fuck I don't know. I do not want to break up though. No no no. I love you. Did I say that enough to you? I'm sure I tell you enough... I really do. Yeah. I'm done ranting around you. I don't know if that is going to upset you, I hope not. I really do love you, baby. I think I will always need you. Like right now. But, we both need to realize, you won't always be there. I'll have to manage on my own sometimes. Just like I hope you always need me to degree. I feel like you help me more than I help you sometimes. Which is fine. I mean, I'd rather you not be dependent of me. I don't want to end up hurting you. Which I pray I never do. But, yeah... maybe it's best you don't need me all that badly. I know I'm a huge part of your life, but yeah. I don't know. I have more I need to rant about, but maybe in a different one. This one will be for you, I guess.

On a different note by the way, I'm sorry you are getting jealous. I'm sorry I can't keep you happy all the time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.  Seems to be what I do best, is apologize. Fuck I don't know.