Ellen. You have some nerve doing that tonight.
You have ignored me for months. Almost an entire YEAR and yet here you are talking to me because you and your boyfriend had a fall out.
You know what I have to say to that? Fuck you. Fuck you for that. You got a boyfriend and ran off and forgot about this guy here. I was there for you for years, Ellen. I got you through things no one else knows about. Kept your ass going. And you discard me like I'm a piece of paper tumbling in the wind. I'm nothing to you anymore. I've pushed my thoughts of you aside. Figured our friendship was done. You used to be the closest person to me? Wanna know what you are now? A bitch. How could you just dismiss like that. AFTER YEARS OF BEING THERE FOR YOU. Good fucking God I had no idea how angry I was about all this until you messaged me tonight. You ought to be lucky I didn't go off. I won't though. You won't know how angry I am with you. But, I hope what I did say to you struck home. I hope that gives you a big ol' hint at how angry you made me by messaging me tonight. Fucking nerve of some people. I hope you and your boyfriend are handy fucking dandy. Giving up a friendship like ours for a guy? Cool. Yeah, I got you. You'll see how I feel soon enough. Karma is a bitch, Ellen. Just wait.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I'm scared.
I'm scared of what's gonna happen. I love you so much. And I know you're able to read this, and that you will read this. And that's okay. I just feel awkward writing this to you directly? I guess. I don't know. Don't mind me, I guess.
I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of what may or may not happen to us. Damnit, I love you so much. I love you more than I probably should. You've said if something happens to one of us, your world may crash. Mine will too. Ohmygod thinking about what might happen to us, scaaaares me to death, girl. You mean so much to me. More than I have ever cared about anyone. Yeah, I've had crushes, false alarm loves. But, nothing. And I do mean nothing has ever even come close to what you and I have. I hear about other people in relationships now that can't talk to each other in worry that they will get mad and not talk to eachother. And just constantly fighting over petty stuff. And it's like.... wow that's what I had. But, not with you. Even if someday we do end up getting into a big fight, I think we'll be fine. I think we can handle it because, well we do love each other. We love each other a lot. and reckon that's all that matters, yeah?
I like... need you in my life now, or I won't be like, the same anymore. All this is just a giant rant about how I don't want to lose you, really. Even though there's no danger of losing you anytime soon. Distance sucks right? You're a half a world away. But damnit, fuck that. You are mine. Mine. I'm not letting you go anytime soon unless something happens that forces us to. But, I don't know what would. I don't know. I don't knooooow. An entire blog post about you. Haha. I love you, so much. I want you forever. I want to be with you forever. Grow up with you. Meet and live wherever we want. I don't know. Who knows what will happen though, right? That's a long time away. Too long.
I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of what may or may not happen to us. Damnit, I love you so much. I love you more than I probably should. You've said if something happens to one of us, your world may crash. Mine will too. Ohmygod thinking about what might happen to us, scaaaares me to death, girl. You mean so much to me. More than I have ever cared about anyone. Yeah, I've had crushes, false alarm loves. But, nothing. And I do mean nothing has ever even come close to what you and I have. I hear about other people in relationships now that can't talk to each other in worry that they will get mad and not talk to eachother. And just constantly fighting over petty stuff. And it's like.... wow that's what I had. But, not with you. Even if someday we do end up getting into a big fight, I think we'll be fine. I think we can handle it because, well we do love each other. We love each other a lot. and reckon that's all that matters, yeah?
I like... need you in my life now, or I won't be like, the same anymore. All this is just a giant rant about how I don't want to lose you, really. Even though there's no danger of losing you anytime soon. Distance sucks right? You're a half a world away. But damnit, fuck that. You are mine. Mine. I'm not letting you go anytime soon unless something happens that forces us to. But, I don't know what would. I don't know. I don't knooooow. An entire blog post about you. Haha. I love you, so much. I want you forever. I want to be with you forever. Grow up with you. Meet and live wherever we want. I don't know. Who knows what will happen though, right? That's a long time away. Too long.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Important thoughts, I think.
What a week.
What a week, indeed.
Things are going decently, I reckon. Nothing too terribly bad has happened, to me anyway. My cousin though is in a world of hurt. Found out he tried dipping to Tennessee today. Getting charged with all kinds of things. Maybe I'll have the room to myself? =D Who knows. He really has this coming to him though. Like, he needs some sense knocked into him. And me going off on him evidently doesn't do too terribly much.
I think my mother is honestly convinced that we are in the end of days now. She keeps trying to have these spiritual talks with me. I'm thinking I might just have to come out and tell her that I'm not spiritual, at all. I'm not religious. I'm an atheist. And haha, I'm not one because it's "the cool thing." No, I have reason for believing in what I do. It takes great faith to be atheist you know? To not believe in any higher power. To believe that you are responsible for your own actions entirely. I respect people who believe in God even if I think their faith is blind and they don't look through it properly. I hate the concept of religion, really. The concept of a God, that's one thing. But formed religion is insane. That's what I hate about my family being so religious. They're all about the community and how religion itself is such a wonderful thing. It's really not. Not at all. It's corrupt. Blargh. I don't see how they look over all the faults. How they can look at the bible as anything more than a giant story book. I mean, I guess it has good lessons in it? But to look at it as a factual text reference? I don't even remotely see how. My religion lies with science, I reckon. I am a firm believer of the Big Bang Theory. They can trace it back for Pete's sake. And why would God only favor one planet if he was the God of the entire universe, why only one planet of life? None of it makes sense to me. -_- At all.
I am watching a video right now of Joseph Kony. It's very sad. I will put the video link at the bottom, because I know a few people besides my normal read my blog. I welcome you to watch the video. It's sad. But, very touching. I wish I had the social abilities to be able to do what this man is doing for that boy. I want to do something to change the world to make it a better world. To make it better for my children when I have them. But, I don't know how. I don't know what I can do. I know one person can do so much. But, I don't think that's where my life is leading me. I don't think I'ma be the guy to change the world. Although, I wish I could. I will make my childrens life better than mine. Being I have any. I've had it rough. Not nearly as rough as some. But, I will make my life better and the people around me if I can. People tell me I care too much about people sometimes. I let everyone vent to me. Even when it completely overwhelms me, I will listen to you if you need me to. I'm just that guy. I want to help you. I want to make things better. I know what it's like to not have anyone. I went through a time myself where I didn't. I don't want anyone else to have to go through that. It's a horrible feeling. Everyone needs someone yeah? I don't know. I feel like I can't do anything big. And damnit I want to. I want to do something. But, I think I'm going to get the kit as soon as it comes on sale again. I would love do that thing they're doing in April. Maybe I'll get a bunch of people together and go light up the town with it. That'd be cool right? I encourage everyone to do it! Just get the word out yeah? Best we can do.
Website: http://kony2012.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws.com/ Please just go watch that video. It will take 30 minutes of your time and it's well worth watching. Trust me.
What a week, indeed.
Things are going decently, I reckon. Nothing too terribly bad has happened, to me anyway. My cousin though is in a world of hurt. Found out he tried dipping to Tennessee today. Getting charged with all kinds of things. Maybe I'll have the room to myself? =D Who knows. He really has this coming to him though. Like, he needs some sense knocked into him. And me going off on him evidently doesn't do too terribly much.
I think my mother is honestly convinced that we are in the end of days now. She keeps trying to have these spiritual talks with me. I'm thinking I might just have to come out and tell her that I'm not spiritual, at all. I'm not religious. I'm an atheist. And haha, I'm not one because it's "the cool thing." No, I have reason for believing in what I do. It takes great faith to be atheist you know? To not believe in any higher power. To believe that you are responsible for your own actions entirely. I respect people who believe in God even if I think their faith is blind and they don't look through it properly. I hate the concept of religion, really. The concept of a God, that's one thing. But formed religion is insane. That's what I hate about my family being so religious. They're all about the community and how religion itself is such a wonderful thing. It's really not. Not at all. It's corrupt. Blargh. I don't see how they look over all the faults. How they can look at the bible as anything more than a giant story book. I mean, I guess it has good lessons in it? But to look at it as a factual text reference? I don't even remotely see how. My religion lies with science, I reckon. I am a firm believer of the Big Bang Theory. They can trace it back for Pete's sake. And why would God only favor one planet if he was the God of the entire universe, why only one planet of life? None of it makes sense to me. -_- At all.
I am watching a video right now of Joseph Kony. It's very sad. I will put the video link at the bottom, because I know a few people besides my normal read my blog. I welcome you to watch the video. It's sad. But, very touching. I wish I had the social abilities to be able to do what this man is doing for that boy. I want to do something to change the world to make it a better world. To make it better for my children when I have them. But, I don't know how. I don't know what I can do. I know one person can do so much. But, I don't think that's where my life is leading me. I don't think I'ma be the guy to change the world. Although, I wish I could. I will make my childrens life better than mine. Being I have any. I've had it rough. Not nearly as rough as some. But, I will make my life better and the people around me if I can. People tell me I care too much about people sometimes. I let everyone vent to me. Even when it completely overwhelms me, I will listen to you if you need me to. I'm just that guy. I want to help you. I want to make things better. I know what it's like to not have anyone. I went through a time myself where I didn't. I don't want anyone else to have to go through that. It's a horrible feeling. Everyone needs someone yeah? I don't know. I feel like I can't do anything big. And damnit I want to. I want to do something. But, I think I'm going to get the kit as soon as it comes on sale again. I would love do that thing they're doing in April. Maybe I'll get a bunch of people together and go light up the town with it. That'd be cool right? I encourage everyone to do it! Just get the word out yeah? Best we can do.
Website: http://kony2012.s3-website-us-east-1.amazonaws.com/ Please just go watch that video. It will take 30 minutes of your time and it's well worth watching. Trust me.
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