I'm sad. I'm really, very sad. I don't know if this keeps up for too much longer I'm probably going to make myself a doctors appointment or something, I don't know... maybe I need anti-depressants or something. I hate the thought of needing them but meh...
Getting called self-centered was probably one of the worst insults I've gotten in a while... even if it was only directed to that one statement, which wasn't even what I said for the record... I don't know. I just, I do so much, for everyone, go without so others can have, work my ass off to take care of other people and I got called self-centered... that's going to e something I'll probably never forget and I'll be doing a lot of thinking and self-searching... that made me "bellyache."
"There will be times when I'm going to collapse all over you, and other times when I'm going to want my space, I don't know why. It's just me... it's just how I am, how I've always been, and how I'll always be." I was not saying that as I only need you for picking me back up... sigh, what that meant is there's times when I"m going to break down and there's times when I'm going to have to have my anti-socialness. Everything I say always gets fucking twisted and taken the wrong way, I hate it so much...
After that email it kind of made me not want to try anymore... last night was bad. I didn't get to sleep til like 5 and even then it was shitty sleep... i'm exhausted. In every kind of way. I had thoughts I don't want to have last night... although I never went unresponsive, which I guess is a good thing... I just want to feel better. I want to be your friend, you mean so much to me but you're not understanding what I'm saying. What you do read of my email you're taking the wrong way... asdjlkajsdfklajsdf I hope we'll work things out eventually but for now I can't.. I'm so sorry..
